Once upon a time, Bride V, made a pact with her maid-of-honor, who happens to be a designer, that they will work on Bride V's wedding gown together, when her time comes. It was the most meaningful project a bride and a maid-of-honor can do together. So when Bride V's time finally came, the girls started on the sketches.
Enter Bride V's Momzilla. She says, her own designer simply MUST make the gown for Bride V. She doesn't care about "some childish pact". Out of courtesy, the least her daughter can do, she says, is to pay Momzilla's designer a visit.
So Bride V went to her Momzilla's designer to discuss the gown. The gown, was too "bling-bling" for her. It wasn't her style at all. Worse? The gown will cost 300,000 freakin' pesos. The designer also said that she will be busy in the next few months to come, so fittings will be done through email and a month before the wedding. Bride V, at this point, felt confident that she had three strong points on why she shouldn't get her Momzilla's designer.
But when she and her groom, talked to Momzilla, Momzilla said "NO. PAG DI MO KINUHA SI *TOOT*, HINDI AKO PUPUNTA SA KASAL MO!" Bride V asked if Momzilla will contribute to the expense for the gown. Momzilla answered "NO." then she followed it up with the most unthinkable thing she could say in front of her daughter's financee. "HINDI BA DAPAT LALAKI ANG GUMAGASTOS SA KASAL. GAWAN NIYO NG PARAAN!". Bride V's groom got depressed, didn't show his face for months.
My dear Rebellious Brides, this story is TRUE, and I mean T-R-U-E in every sense of the word. Some of you may say, "OA ah." "Exage". If you have a loving mother, a mother who is your best friend, a mother who will support every single decision you will make for your wedding without as much as a single interference, then good for you. But sadly, Momzillas exist. Perhaps, not as cruel as the story above, but Momzillas exist and the bride's gown is usually their main target.
So what is a Rebellious Bride to do? Of course the obvious thing to do is sit down your Momzilla and lay down your cards, explain your feelings. But the operative word being Momzilla, most likely they will not listen. Or they will pretend to agree with you but eventually she'll be lurking in your fittings, and will casually want to see your sketches and give unsolicited inputs.
My advice? Outwit her. Here are some tips:
2. Talk to your maid-of-honor, your coordinator, and your designer = create a game plan with them on how everyone can pitch in with dealing with your Momzilla--diversions, "bola" moments, the works. Coordinators and designers are well aware that Momzillas exist so they will be more than willing to help you deal with her.
3. Compromise. Tell her, you will wear the gown she wants you to wear if she pays for it. If not, then you have every right to choose your own design. If she threatens you that she will not attend your wedding, know that these are empty threats. No mother can resist not going to their own child's wedding. And if she really does not attend, it is her own guilt and not yours.
4. Make her believe you are wearing the gown she wants you to wear. But in truth, you are having another gown made. I know this is devious but a Momzilla needs to be put in her rightful place.
5. Talk to your father. If he is more reasonable compared to Momzilla, ask your father to deal with his wife.
At the end of the day my dear Rebellious Brides, this is YOUR wedding, and this is YOUR gown. Some brides, are too tired to argue with their Momzillas and will submissively just say yes to whatever they have to say. DO NOT FALL INTO THIS TRAP. FIGHT FOR IT. Sometimes, with too much stress, this is the easiest way out...then after the wedding has been done, you begin to regret certain decisions you have made. Your gown is YOURS. Your parents have dictated every aspect of your life when you were a child. What you ate, what you wore, which school to go to, etc. etc. Your wedding should be something YOU have every right to decide on. This is something that parents fail to realize and it is time they DO realize it. So if an intervention has to be done, do it. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You have given your parents utmost respect for more than twenty or even thirty years. The least they can do is give you respect for this most important day of your life. This is YOUR right. Do not feel guilty. They should be the one to feel guilty for being selfish and not giving you the right to create your wedding as you would want it. Why do parents always say we are DISRESPECTFUL? We deserve respect from them too.
Do you face a similar situation? Time to vent and seek for advice! Comment away :)
XOXO,
Kai
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